5 traumatic formula changes in 5 weeks to alleviate a possible soy/dairy allergy - check!
reflux sonogram - check!
prevacid - check!
zantac - check!
rectal suction biopsy - check!
painful Cdiff bacteria since day 1 (which was more than likely diagnosed as a soy/diary allergy), discovered at 2.5 months - check!
antibiotics that caused constipation - check!
rice cereal in formula from 1 month to help with reflux - check!
realizing at 3 months that rice cereal gives O terrible painful gas and switching to oatmeal cereal - check!
double frenectomy to correct a tongue tie and lip tie - check!
double ear infection - check!
another round of antibiotics that caused gas and constipation - check!
screaming as if someone was poking him with hot needles any time he was put in the car for the first 3.5 months of his life - check!
Owen's life has been full....FULL of drama.
At this point, today, for now, things are settled. Owen's a happy and smiling 4.5 month old, who doesn't quiiiiiiiite laugh (the doctor said it's nothing to worry about.....it's just a personality thing......well, that makes me feel better) but is thinking hard about it! He's doing a great job of learning to fall asleep on his own, and he's adorably flirty!
Owen has required so much patience (sometimes more and sometimes a lot more than I've got) and I've learned about being a parent of a difficult baby. Jack was healthy and easy. I knew it in theory, but now I know it in practice.
I can't tell you how excited I am that we've made it this far! Where I don't fear leaving the house, or decide not to go to church because I'll just be in the hallway with O the whole time anyways, or saying no to any invitation out, knowing that it would be a disaster waiting to happen. In the past 4.5 months, our jokes have been about finding a baby boarding school to ship O off to for a few months, leaving him on the front porch until the other parent comes home, and dropping him off at the fire station. I can look at him today and have feelings of love instead of decisions to love, and I LOVE that, and am so glad we're here.
This season has been stretching and growing and revealing weaknesses.....and realizing how often I try to fix it on my own instead of requiring the Lord to do it. Oy. I'm hard headed.
God is good, all the time. He was good when Owen was screaming for all of his awake time. He was good as we walked into Cook Children's for testing. He was good when my sweet boy was so frustratingly uncomfortable due to gas pains. He was good when it would take 1.5 hours to get him to sleep. He was good when he lead us down the right path to find a correct diagnosis of the Cdiff. He was good when there was very little happy time in our house. He was good when we had to decide to love Owen instead of feel it. He was good when the car was filled with screaming from start to finish. He was good when I was reciting the fruits of the spirit out loud as O was screaming for hours on end to keep myself from falling apart. He was good when we were kicking trash cans, muttering how annoying O is, and wondering if we'd ever love him as much as we love Jack. And He's good now, when things are easier. Owen's happier, and God is good. We're
all happier, and God is good.
It didn't always feel like He was good, but he was. And I know that. I know that he will use our experiences to walk along side other parents who are starting a walk that we've been down. I know that he has and will continue to reveal to us ways we are weak in order to remind us where our strength is found.
