As baby Jack grows along just as he should, we found out this weekend some very close friends of ours 20 week sonogram didn't go well. Her Dr said the baby isn't developing correctly. There is fluid around the heart and the baby also has a chromosomal disorder. The brain isn't as developed as it should be. They told her that 90% of the time, a baby with all of these conditions would have miscarried in the first trimester. If the baby is carried to term, it will likely live 1-2 days. Or it could die before then and miscarry.

How does one handle that? Other than to cry out to the Lord, asking why? And just cry a lot. It's in these times that it becomes perfectly clear that we are not in control. Of anything. As I've gone through my own pregnancy with all of the crazy things that happen, I tell everyone, it's definitely God reminding me that I am not in control of anything that has to do with this child. I "know" that this child is His, but do I really know that? I don't and I know I don't.

I had an early miscarriage in November, and even in that, as early as it was and as hard as it was, I knew God was reminding me that I am not in control of this pregnancy and will not be in control of this child. It's just a shocking reminder of how fragile we are.

We know that the Lord wants good things for us. But it's beyond hard to reconcile that with the eventual loss of a child. Miscarriages are so common...knowing that doesn't help. Knowing others have been there before you doesn't help. Even knowing that the Lord will use this one day to help her minister to others doesn't help. Nothing helps. Only looking beyond, to the Lord, relying on Him for your every breath, every thought, every feeling, seems to make even the tiniest difference.

Jeff and I went through a very difficult time in our early marriage. Not too similar, but really, most tragic things are somewhat the same. Surprising, devastating, life changing. I remember needing the Lord's strength for absolutely everything. Even to allow people to reach out to me.

And as many of us go through tragic things, it would seem that we would know how to react to others who are in these terrible times. But we don't. At least I don't. Don't know what to say, don't know what to do...don't want to impose...I can come up with numerous excuses to do nothing, because it's hard. It's not from the Lord, the one who quickly comes to our rescue.

So please pray for my friend. For wisdom and courage. And for me to be a good friend to her.


Kristi said...


Oh my gosh! Thank you so very much for sharing about your friend, and being so open about your own life. Your friend will definitely be in my prayers. That is SO hard. I do believe trusting and crying out to God is the only way to handle any of the hard times. I pray God carries them through this trial.